Most Kickass Fighter Name

Posted At : February 8, 2008 7:00 AM | Posted By : Rowdy
Related Categories: Kickass

There are some pretty cool fighter aircraft names; Spitfire, Mustang, Phantom, Lightning, Crusader, even today’s jets, Raptor, Hornet, and Warthog (not official). Did you know that the new F-35, now named the Lightning II, was almost called the Black Mamba? Now that would have been kickass. However, the best all-time, most kickass fighter name, bar none, is the NATO designation for the Su-47.

The Russian’s official name for the Su-47 is the Golden Eagle but that’s getting mundane. There’s fighters made by countries all over the world calling their jet some kind of Eagle. Typically, these NATO designations of Russian fighters are nonsensical; Fishbed, Fitter, Fresco. What the hell are those, they arouse no emotion, no awe-inspiring sensation. But, they really got it right with the Su-47. Designated, the Firkin.

Su-47 Firkin
Photo by Alex Pereslavtsev

First, you’re saying, hey, they only built one of these Su-47 things, strictly experimental. True but that doesn’t minimize the Firkin designation. Second, you’re asking, what the hell is a Firkin?

A firkin is a measurement of beer. It’s equivalent to just over nine gallons, around 42 liters of beer or a quarter of a barrel. In the UK, the most common container of cask ale contains a firkin and as a result these casks are also referred to as firkins. Now that is kickass. A jet fighter named after a large quantity of beer. It is kickass genius. Who cares about this current trend of naming fighters after a bird of prey? Brake out of the mold. Name them after something fighter pilots actually care about. Just thinking ahead, I think the F-45 Schlitz sounds pretty intimidating.

By the way, another reason I particularly like the use of firkin is that it rhymes with one of my favorite words, merkin. Not a word that’s used in daily conversation much, if at all. A merkin is a pubic wig, used by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to get rid of lice, it also helped to hide syphilis scars. Of course, we’re talking about a few hundred years ago. Guess they’re not used much in today’s world although fake merkins are sometimes used for decoration, like the one here. How does she get that to stay there? That is a she right?

Back to the Firkin thing. This could open up a whole new opportunity. Air force’s around the world are suffering from higher fuel prices too. Tax dollars just don’t as far as they once did. To help cover those expenses I don’t think it’s going to be long before you see commercially sponsored fighters and most certainly beer manufacturers will be at the top of that list. I can see it now on the side of a Strike Eagle; Budweiser, King of Beer & Bombs. A nice add campaign for the F-22 could be; Stealth, when you want to slip into bed without waking her up. Enjoy a Guinness night with the boys. Those are my ideas, don’t steal them you corporate bastards.

To sum this all up; Su-47 Firkin, rhymes with merkin. Kickass!!