One of the many arduous tasks the FU Athletic Director (AD) must do is to organize the coveted Beaver Cheerleader Tryouts. This monumental annual event is held to “hand pick,” or cull the herd if you will, the finest applicants that can honorably and faithfully represent the ragin’, fightin’, angry Beavers.
This year’s extraordinary pool of applicants was extremely talented, and they definitely brought their ‘A game’. This made it extremely “hard” for the AD to narrow the field. Nonetheless, it was a tough job, but someone had to do it.
The AD’s genius is evidenced in his “out of the box” thinking when picking tryout locations. As you’ll soon see, he chose a remote beach in the Caribbean; however, some of the tryouts were moved indoors due to inclement weather. The AD wouldn’t comment as to why some of the finalist’s tryouts were obviously held in a hotel bedroom – he murmured something about getting the right light on the subject.
The bottom line is that Fighter Pilot University has selected their cheerleader finalists, and we couldn’t wait to share this news with you. Please join us in welcoming the Beaver Cheerleader Finalists. We’ve provided first names only to avoid them from being inundated with e-mails, plus some of our reasoning for each of their selections. Enjoy!
1. Beatrice. Looks good in camo and obviously loves trees.
2. Hildegard. Obvious gymnastic skills.
3. Shaharazombi. Looked pretty tough.
We were afraid to turn her down.
4. Maud. Who can say no to a cowgirl?
5. Winifred. Looks good in yellow. Basic FU color.
6. Mildred. Pretty obvious isn't it.
7. Esther Festerbestertester. Said she was proud of her name.
A bit of nepotism here. Lester's sister.
8. Myrtle. An obvious pugilist. We were afraid she'd
punch us if we said no.
9. Gertrude. There were a couple of obvious
reasons I can't remember right now.
10. Ernestine I, II, & III. Three for the price of one. This way if
one goes down, so to speak, we always have a
look-a-like back up. That's their mom all
in black. Kind of a pushy woman.
11. Brunhilde. Uhhh, my mind just went totally blank.
Just a spare girl who had no real, redeeming
attributes but we told her she could model
our winter FU Cheerleader outfit. Pretty
kickass, isn't it.
