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Jedi Knight vs Fighter Pilot

Posted by Jolly on August 19, 2013

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Posted by Rowdy

Star Wars Original Script:
 
Luke: "You fought in the clone wars?"

Ben: "I was once a Jedi Knight the same as your father."

Luke: "My father didn't fight in the wars. He was a navigator on a spice freighter."

Ben: "That's what your uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals. He thought he should have stayed home. not gotten involved."

Luke: "I wish I had known him."

Ben: "He was a cunning warrior, and the best star pilot in the galaxy. And he was a good friend. I understand you've become quite a good pilot yourself.. For over a thousand years the Jedi Knights protected the galaxy. Before the dark times. Before the Empire."

Luke: "How did my father die?"

Ben: "A young Jedi Knight named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until
he turned to evil, helped the Emperor hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights. He betrayed and murdered your father. Vader was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force."

Luke: "The Force?"

Ben: "Yes, the Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us. Penetrates us. Binds the galaxy together. Which reminds me. your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He thought you'd follow Obi-Wan on some idealistic crusade."

Luke: "What is it?"

Ben: "It's a light saber. The weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as random or clumsy as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age."

And now the interpretation..

Luke: "You were in a Fighter Squadron?"

Ben: "I was once a Fighter Pilot, the same as your father."

Luke: "My father didn't belong to a fighter squadron. He was a tool; a Quality Officer on Wing Staff."

Ben: "That's what your mother told you. She didn't hold with your father's ideals. She thought he should stay home. Not drink until four in the morning and then piss on things."

Luke: "I wish I had known him, when he could drink."

Ben: "He was a cunning partier. And the best crud player in the club. And he was a good bro. I understand you've become quite a boozehound yourself. For over five years on Friday nights we got so shifazed we could hardly function. Before the Dark Times. Before his skirt..."

Luke: "How did my father become a lame ass?"

Ben: "A young chick, namely your mother, who was pretty cool herself until she turned to evil, helped other women hunt down and destroy the coolness in men. She civilized and murdered the bro who was once your father. Your mother was pissed off by the Dark Side of Beer."

Luke: "Beer?"

Ben: (smiling) "Yes, Beer is what gives a Fighter Pilot his power. It's a beverage created from hops and barley and shit like that. It fucks us up. Gives us the Beer Goggles. And lets us yell stuff like "Head? Who said Head? I'll take some of that." at bars everywhere. Which reminds me, your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your mother wouldn't allow it. She thought you'd follow some Fighter Pilot on a binge drinking crusade."

Luke: "What is it?"

Ben: "It's your father's beer mug. The weapon of a Fighter Pilot. Not as random or clumsy as a shot glass - an elegant weapon from a less-civilized age..."

 

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Comments:

Posted by Maggot on
Awesomely good, Rowdy!
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