Fighter Pilot University - Athletic Dept

Rare Fighter Pilot Game

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:00:00-0500

There's an athletic event that you can only play on an aircraft carrier. All navies around the world that have carriers get to play this game, unless you only have those little VTOL carriers. It's not a scheduled event. In fact, you never know when you'll suddenly be a participant. It's called Cable Snap. There's two phases to this game. One is at the front of the boat when your rapidly decelerating fighter suddenly lurches forward and heads for the drink. The second phase is everything behind that which lies in the way of a monstrously retracting cable.

Phase one is only for one or two players; the guys in the fighter. The object of this portion of the game is to not go under the water with the jet. Here you'll test your athletic, cat-like reflexes. Win and you end up floating down to the sea or maybe even the deck. Lose and your day just went from sucking to shit.

The second phase of the game involves almost everyone else who's top side. If you're lucky enough to know that you're a participant in the game you'll have a chance to demonstrate your timing and jumping skills. Knowing you're a player is no guarantee that you'll win but it greatly improves your chances over the folks who don't know. The object here is simple, miss the cable. Win and you minimize the pain, lose and, let's just say, it's going to hurt.

To understand how to play Cable Snap, here's a demonstration video. Pay attention in case you ever get a chance to play.

Since you're now in a squid mood.
Check out the US Navy designs in the FU STORE.

New FU Athletic Team

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 06:00:00-0500

And now for sport. Fighter Pilot University sports teams have not done well against some very intense competition. As a result, we have scoured the world for some new, little known sporting event, that our team could get in on at the ground level. Some event that would allow us to be almost immediately competitive. Something that wouldn’t require years to build a viable team. Something that wouldn’t require us to hire an expensive coaching staff or build huge playing fields. Something that we can win at on a consistent basis, because, really, almost nobody else is playing it. We would be a world force at such an event. More than likely once we establish our supremacy in such an event we would be able to push for its acceptance as an Olympic event and a gold medal would be within our grasp.

We have found such a sport. Bull Jumping. You will see our first sanctioned event here. Quite exciting. We won our very first competition because, although we invited numerous universities and colleges, nobody showed up to compete. In spite of that, it was a great day. The FU Ragin’ Fightin’ Angry Beaver band was there and the student body was enthusiastic.

This thing is going to catch on and we are already the world leader in the new, up-and-coming, totally exciting sport of Bull Jumping.

Fighter Pilot University 2008 Cheerleader Tryouts

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 06:00:00-0500

It’s a new academic year here at Fighter Pilot University and like all institutions of higher learning in the United States one of our top priorities was to ensure that our FU Ragin' Fightin' Angry Beaver cheerleading squad was ready for the new sports year. So, recently we had tryouts for our 2008-2009 cheerleader team. We had very limited openings, most of our cheerleaders were returning from last year. However, we opened up the competition to any and all hopefuls. Unexpectedly, one of our male students, Roger Entwhistle, applied for the position. Of course, we said females only, but he came prepared with a court injunction (bastard lawyers) requiring us to give him an equal and legitimate opportunity of making the team.

Interestingly enough, we discovered that we had a newly implemented team rule that required any cheerleaders over 150 pounds to demonstrate the ability to lift any randomly selected cheerleader applicant. This is a critical skill for the power and acrobatic cheers that have also been implemented just this year.

Well, by coincidence Roger, applicant 13, was the first aspiring cheerleader to be required to demonstrate this ability. We certainly cheered him on and as you can see, he almost pulled it off. We told him after his double hernia surgery that he’s more than welcome to tryout again.

You may ask, what about cheerleader applicant 00, didn’t she have to demonstrate this lift ability? That only seems fair and so politically correct. First, it’s never polite to ask about a female's weight. So, PC be damned, no, she would not have had to exhibit her lift capability. Second, it’s pretty hard to compete at all when you’re wearing a leg cast after some loser drops you. Maybe next year.

Well, we decided those power and acrobatic cheers are just too dangerous and replaced them with individual jumping-on-tramopline cheers.

Fighter Pilot U Beaver Cheerleader Finalists

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 07:03:00-0500

One of the many arduous tasks the FU Athletic Director (AD) must do is to organize the coveted Beaver Cheerleader Tryouts. This monumental annual event is held to “hand pick,” or cull the herd if you will, the finest applicants that can honorably and faithfully represent the ragin’, fightin’, angry Beavers.

This year’s extraordinary pool of applicants was extremely talented, and they definitely brought their ‘A game’. This made it extremely “hard” for the AD to narrow the field. Nonetheless, it was a tough job, but someone had to do it.

The AD’s genius is evidenced in his “out of the box” thinking when picking tryout locations. As you’ll soon see, he chose a remote beach in the Caribbean; however, some of the tryouts were moved indoors due to inclement weather. The AD wouldn’t comment as to why some of the finalist’s tryouts were obviously held in a hotel bedroom – he murmured something about getting the right light on the subject.

The bottom line is that Fighter Pilot University has selected their cheerleader finalists, and we couldn’t wait to share this news with you. Please join us in welcoming the Beaver Cheerleader Finalists. We’ve provided first names only to avoid them from being inundated with e-mails, plus some of our reasoning for each of their selections. Enjoy!

1. Beatrice. Looks good in camo and obviously loves trees.

2. Hildegard. Obvious gymnastic skills.

3. Shaharazombi. Looked pretty tough.
We were afraid to turn her down.

4. Maud. Who can say no to a cowgirl?

5. Winifred. Looks good in yellow. Basic FU color.

6. Mildred. Pretty obvious isn't it.

7. Esther Festerbestertester. Said she was proud of her name.
A bit of nepotism here. Lester's sister.

8. Myrtle. An obvious pugilist. We were afraid she'd
punch us if we said no.

9. Gertrude. There were a couple of obvious
reasons I can't remember right now.

10. Ernestine I, II, & III. Three for the price of one. This way if
one goes down, so to speak, we always have a
look-a-like back up. That's their mom all
in black. Kind of a pushy woman.

11. Brunhilde. Uhhh, my mind just went totally blank.

Just a spare girl who had no real, redeeming
attributes but we told her she could model
our winter FU Cheerleader outfit. Pretty
kickass, isn't it.

FU Cheerleader Tryouts

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 12:29:00-0500

Just what we're looking for.

FU Cheerleader Uniform

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:22:00-0500

After an extensive search for the appropriate uniform for the Fighter Pilot University Beavers’ cheerleading team, our pursuit is finally over. We were looking for something that was going to make a statement but would still be subtle. It had to be practical but still say Fighter Pilot University. It had to be something our cheerleaders would be proud to wear and something that would make our student body equally proud. It had to provide free range of motion and attract attention. It had to be colorful, eye catching and thought provoking. However, this wasn’t just about putting something provocative on our cheerleaders and simply creating eye candy for the masses. No, we wished to maintain a high level of dignity and the integrity that comes from being an institution of higher learning. With all that in mind, we think you will agree, we have certainly surpassed our goals.

And now, the first public viewing of the new Fighter Pilot University Ragin’, Fightin’, Angry Beavers cheerleader uniform.

We got it right, didn't we.

Dice Games

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 11:05:00-0500

DICE GAMES

FOUR, FIVE, SIX

A dice game

A game of chance played with 3 dice with the intent of wining big bucks and doing great financial harm to your buddies. The player with the hammer establishes the pot (money). He can place any amount of money he chooses into the pot. Each player in turn can bet (cover) part or all of the pot. After the entire pot is covered or each player has bet, the hammer establishes the point by rolling the dice. The point he establishes is bet individually against each player. The point is the third die when a pair is rolled. For example, two, sixes and a one, establishes one as the point; two, threes and a six establishes six as the point. Each player takes his turn against the hammer’s established point. If a player beats the hammer’s point he takes his bet and winnings from the pot. If he loses, his money stays in the pot. The following rules apply:

[More]

Piano Burn

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 11:03:00-0500

PIANO BURN

A fine, simple game we think first demonstrated by Belgium fighter pilots.

Two teams, each with a similar piano, an old upright can be purchased for next to nothing, a toilet seat suspended between two trees or poles by four cords so that it’s held firmly in place and a sledge hammer. The object for each team is to demolish their piano and all the pieces shoved through their toilet seat. First team to accomplish that feat wins.

Obviously since you now have these two shredded pianos you’ve got to burn the remains. The victor gets to light the fire. The game can be played for a keg, cost of the party or anything agreed upon.

Credit Card Game

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 10:54:00-0500

CREDIT CARD GAME

Fighter pilots are very generous people. When friends get together for an evening feast, any number of those present will probably want to pay for everyone’s meal. Who that might be can easily be resolved. Everyone takes out a credit card and places it in a hat or bowl. Have the waiter draw out a card. The lucky card pays for all.

If you have a spouse or date at the event, meaning two meals, you throw in two cards or one or your own and one of your date’s. More than likely your date would want to pay too.

CRUD

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:42:00-0500

CRUD

Crud is a fast-paced game generally agreed to have originated in the Royal Canadian Air Force., and is reportedly popular with the United States Air Force.

The game is played on a pool or snooker table (the latter is desired) using the cue ball (the shooter), and one object ball (most commonly a striped ball). Only the corner pockets on the smaller table are used, the side pockets are blocked, traditionally by rolls of toilet paper. On a full size snooker table side and corner pockets are used.

Pool cues are not used, the shooter is thrown/rolled manually across the table surface only from the ends of the table. A game of Crud involves running around the table, in turn shooting the shooter at the object ball before it stops moving. It is a boisterous game, usually only played in a military officer’s club (the management of a public establishment would not normally condone contact sports and the apparent abuse of their equipment). There is plenty of strategy and gamesman ship and if the teams involved have more than a couple of players on each side it’s a good idea to include a referee. If a referee is used he stands on one side of the table by the middle pocket, players run around him ensuring not to bump him at anytime.

For a more challenging game, use normal size pool balls on a full size snooker table; bigger balls, smaller pockets.

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Dollar Bill Game

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:33:00-0500

DOLLAR BILL GAME

A game of chance played with the serial numbers of a U.S. one dollar bill. Promotes the consumption of stimulating beverages in a contest to see who buys his buddies a round. Form a circle of friends. The holder of the hammer draws a bill from his wallet. He then asks the person on his left or right to declare first two or last two. Once that’s announced the holder of the bill will look at the two numbers, first two or last two, of the dollar bill serial number and that becomes the object number. He then asks the person in the opposite direction on his right or left to guess a number between 0 and 99. When that person declares a number the bill holder will then state whether that number was high or low compared to the object number. The next person to guess picks a number that is closer to the object number. A bracket is established and each consecutive player must pick a number within the bracket. This is continued around until someone guesses the object number. He has lost but is given the honor of buying a round of drinks for his friends.

If play continues around to the hammer and no one has picked the object number, the hammer MUST take the next closest number, from the last declared number, by one.

As in all fighter pilot games there is strategy involved. The hammer may adopt a strategy of tactical deception (lying!) If after selecting the object number the loser doubts the hammer, he may challenge. If the hammer is out of parameters (caught lying) the hammer buys the round and gives the bill to the challenger and retains the hammer for the next round. If the kill is validated, the loser BUYS DOUBLE!! The loser of a Dollar Bill game has the hammer for the next game whether that game is for the next round or even if that game happens days later.

REMEMBER, FIGHTER PILOTS ALWAYS PLAY, THIRSTY OR NOT!!

DOLLAR BILL GAME COMBAT RULES

1. Combat Rules must be declared prior to the start of hostilities. Violations to combat rules are additive, and play will continue to a logical conclusion.

2. First two or last two will be decided before the bill is pulled out.

3. The hammer has one look at the bill and places it face down on the table.

4. The hammer responds high or low only once for each guess. If he forgets, HE BUYS A ROUND!!

5. If anyone asks what the bracket is: HE BUYS A ROUND!!. Play continues.

6. Anyone who guesses outside the bracket: BUY A ROUND!! Play continues.

DOLLAR BILL GAME COMM OUT

Comm out means; COMM OUT!! Use hand signals and Combat Rules!

Deceased Insect

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 18:30:00-0500

DECEASED INSECT

Certain words are never spoken out loud among fighter pilots. Two such words, never to be said out loud, are D**d B*g. However, D**d B*g, can be replaced with words meaning the same thing. For example, Deceased Insect. Should an individual actually yell D**d B*g among a group of fighter pilots, it is expected that all people immediately hit the floor. If every person hits the floor simultaneously, the person yelling D**d B*g is required to buy a round for everyone in the room. However, any fighter pilot left standing or who was slow and obviously the last person to get to the floor, he buys the round of drinks for the room.