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PC-ness Run Amuck

Posted by rowdy on September 24, 2013

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I was forwarded this from a fighter pilot bro this morning:

FU bros,

I just read the blog article on Fighter Pilot Retention, and it got me fired up all over again.  You gotta see this shit that I'm attaching.  This is a no shit, 100% true letter written by a squadron commander to his squadron, once again squashing some of our most innocent yet time-honored fighter pilot traditions.  We can't say "so to speak" anymore because it might offend someone.  No more using "69" as a standard unit of measure because it's an innuendo and god forbid someone might be offended.  And a whole slew of bros with callsigns they've had for years, including LtCols, names flown with IN COMBAT are getting replotted to something more "non-offensive".  YGBFSM!!!  This is the reason dudes are punching, because the fighter pilot culture is being destroyed from the top down.  We are no more than squadrons of pilots flying fighters.  And the Generals wonder why there's a severe shortage of fighter pilots.  Robin Olds, Ralph Parr, Boots Blesse, Bud Day, and Robbie Risner are all rolling over in their graves right now.

Here are some of the politically correct “Be Nos” being enforced in this squadron as fallout from the recent PC run amuck “health and wellness inspection.”

  •  VAULT MUSIC. WDOs will monitor music in the vault and delete any songs with explicit lyrics.
  •  SEXUAL INNUENDO. The military workplace is not conducive to the use of sexual innuendos. The number 69 will not be intentionally used on mission materials, to include product version numbers, target steer points, etc., and 6 to 9 will not be used for a standard measure. Suggestive phrases such as “so to speak” or “that’s what she said” will not be tolerated. No other sexual innuendos are allowed, nor are attempts to preserve the above with some kind of minor change (ie, 68+1).
  •  CALLSIGNS. All callsigns must be approved by the Commander. Names will not be approved if they contain sexual innuendo, promote hostility, or highlight race, ethnicity, age, gender, or sexual orientation. Additionally, names that meet these criteria will not be used as “spoofers.”
  •  ALCOHOL. Alcohol may be consumed in the squadron only after the “beer light” has been turned on. Turning on the “beer light” may only be approved by the Top-3, DO, or CC.

Why don't we enforce a NO-FUN Zone surface to 50,000 feet, that should help fighter pilot retention.  We consulted our own FU Health and Wellness Inspector, Joe Shit The Rag Man, to come up with an FU PC Response and included it below. I'm hoping this is all a bad dream brought on by a recent drinking binge at the FU Frat House.

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SQUADRON APOLOGY LETTER
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MEMORANDUM TO HEALTH AND WELLNESS INSPECTORS
 
FROM: Squadron Apology Officer
 
SUBJECT: Apology
 
The members of this squadron apologize for the following reasons:

                (X) SNAPs in our Squadron (Sensitive New Age Pilot)
                (  ) Golfing while intoxicated (GWI)
                (  ) Bowling while intoxicated (BWI)
                (  ) Walking while intoxicated (WWI)
                (X) Singing while intoxicated (SWI)
                ( ) Singing the S & M Man in The Bar
                (  ) For stealing your squadrons mascot
                (  ) Playing rodeo with the wing commanders wife at the club
                (  ) Getting noise complaints from the dining room on Friday night
                (  ) Missed dental appointment
                (  ) Not wearing a hat from our car to the club.
                (  ) Pissing off the security police for _________________ again!
                (  ) Giving shit to non-singing shoe clerks at the club
                (  ) Throwing glasses in the fireplace at The Bar
                (  ) Giving the O'Club manager a "swirly" for giving shit 
                      to fighter pilots
                (  ) To our wives for every Friday night
                (  ) To the hotel management for convention buffoonery
                (  ) For plagiarism in order to write fighter pilot songs
                (X) Blanket apology (To be marked only when apologizing for 
                     squadron actions in advance for the next six month period.) 

 JOE SHIT, The Rag Man
 Squadron Apology Officer
MFWIC, FU Health and Wellness Inspection

                   

 

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Comments:

Posted by Billy on
After reading this, I sang a verse of " I Fucked A Dead Whore By The Roadside"
Posted by StuM on
Jolly, please post the unredacted version of this WD's letter. I want to make sure I don't mistake him for a fighter pilot should I run across him posing in some bar. What an embaressment for his squadron!

Stu the Baghwan
Posted by grumpyoldcrow on
Is this for real? I have never seen any correspondence from any commander be so vague and nebulous as to be virtually undecipherable. Fighter pilots in particular are known for their unambiguous communications manner.

Consider the first paragraph: Is a "proper workplace environment" demanded or one of "mutual respect"? How about a little consistency here?

The second paragraph seems to exclude safety concerns (fire hazards, tripping hazards, electical hazards) as a function of maintaining a "proper workplace environment". Really? That's a first for me. 'Inappropriate material" isn't defined anywhere in this letter.

Paragraph 3 fails to define what consists of "explicit lyrics" Music is inherently explicit so this prohibition seems to be a blanket ban on music.

For paragraph 4, what criteria must be met for a workplace to be considered "hostile"? Frankly, having this dweeb as a boss would be something I'd consider "hostile"
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