Pilots and Nurses
It’s a well known fact that fighter pilots are attracted to nurses and vice-versa times ten. Hell, we’re the perfect example; I’m married to a nurse, Borg is married to an accountant but she should be nurse, and Jolly's married to a teacher but she pretended to be a nurse at a Holiday Inn Express one night (and it was good, and he liked it, and there was much rejoicing). However, fighter pilots are nothing like nurses. Nurses are nurturing, caring people. Fighter pilots care too but mostly just about themselves. I guess they also nurture . . . the image that they’re the meanest badass, hardest drinking MFer there ever was.
As noted in one of our recent articles, Fighter Pilot Shortage?, fighter pilots are born and bred on the Fear, Sarcasm and Ridicule teaching technique. It works pretty well, grows thick skin and teaches a young buck fighter pilot that you step up or
you’re eliminated, figuratively or, even worse, literally. Nurses can’t really get away with the Fear, Sarcasm and Ridicule thing. “Shut up you pussy!! Just because your chest is tight and your left arm hurts doesn’t mean you’re having a heart attack.” No, nurses have to use a thing most fighter pilots know nothing about, tact.
My wife sent me this form that she and all the other nurses where she works were told to sign so that it could be put in their personnel folders. WTFO?!?!?! What is this, some happy-happy-joy-joy-boo-boo-kitty fantasy world? And, this form is even being utilized at a U.S military hospital.
BEWARE!! Do not eat or drink while reading due to
increased choking danger from laughing hysterically
(Put Commitment to Co-Worker form here.)
OK, there’s the caring, nurturing nurse co-working commitment. Isn’t that special and so sweet? I think this the way a fighter pilot would respond to each of these ten goofy statements.
- I accept no responsibility for a relationship with you. If you want to be my friend I suggest you show up at the bar, buy me a drink, laugh at my jokes and be in awe of my stories.
- If I have a problem with you, you will F’ing know because I will F’ing make sure you know it. I will tell everyone who will listen that you are a loser.
- I will not trust you until you prove that you can be trusted. It’s up to you, loser!!
- My respect for you is based on who you are and what you do. If you’re not a fighter pilot you have a long row to hoe to gain that respect because your starting position is . . . loser.
- I will, without a doubt, engage in the three “B’s”, bashing, bitching and belittling, and expect you to do the same to any other fighter pilot that turns out to be a loser, like you.
- Complaining about things is how things get fixed. I will complain, you will fix it!
- I expect you to get better every day and your starting from your present position today . . . loser.
- I will find solutions to problems but I’m going to bitch and complain until I do. More than likely the problem is you so you’re to blame.
- Just do your F’ing job!!
- Remember that I am not perfect and you will strive to be . . . but that’s just not going to happen, is it. I will pounce on any flaw in your abilities or character and pound it into your peon brain that you are a loser.
It really all boils down to this quote from an unknown source.
The average fighter pilot, despite the sometimes swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anybody else.
. . . but maybe nurses too.
Don't forget to get your own Nurse some FU Garb!